I don’t know what the rules of “etiquette” are in other countries, but in the U.S., it is customary to send flowers after someone has died. As a matter of fact, it seems that flowers are sent, more often than not, when something bad has happened. No wonder so many people question when they receive flowers. It’s the “what did you do now” mentality. That is the point though, why do we tend to only give flowers and complimented remembrances after someone is gone? How about doing it now?
I remember when I was in my early 20’s a lecture on giving flowers while we are alive. That thought stuck with me. I admit I don’t give flowers-I give “just because” gifts. Just because I was thinking of you-I got you this. I am calling to talk to you-just because-I don’t have anything especially exciting or grievous to share; I just was thinking of you. How much better would the world be if we could give our compliments to our family and friends NOW. Just think about it for a minute. Give your mum a flower(s) because you appreciate her being here. H
ow many people have already lost that opportunity, for whatever reason, to do something as simple as that? If you can’t buy a flower, or pick one from a field, then give something else; perhaps a hug, a handwritten note or a drawing. Just because. If you aren’t physically close – call! (Not text.) Call at a time you normally wouldn’t (no holiday or special occasion) just to say “hello” and let that person know you are thinking about them. Don’t limit it to just calling your mother either. I was just using her as an example. There might be someone else in your family or a friend. Compliment a stranger.
If you see someone who needs a smile-give them yours. How difficult is it for us to simply praise someone on the way they are dressed or the smile on their face? Let me tell you a (not so) secret; it makes them feel great and often will make their day. Once they are gone-they don’t get to hear those things. Then the accolades are for your benefit to make you feel better.
Let me make this a bit more personal; when my husband was alive, I always would call out of the blue or maybe pick something up just for him. Just to let him know that I was thinking about him and I loved him. He would wake me up with my favorite thing in the morning, a cup of coffee. Not all the time. Unexpectedly. We shared our moments with each other when the opportunities came up. I never questioned how much he loved me. I knew it. He knew it.
However, what he didn’t know was how much other people appreciated him. Before, during and after his memorial service, people have shared how much he influenced their lives. How much he touched them. Yet, I can think back during the times we were together and know how few of these same people told him these things while he was alive. What kind of difference would that have made in his life? I don’t know but I could guess.
What I will say is that it is a reminder to me how much we need to let people know that they are special. Instead of finding the negative in a person, why not try to find the positive? Instead of tearing down someone for their beliefs, views, choices, why not find a common ground that we can build up? Does it hurt us to find the good in others? Are we afraid that they will do better? Succeed where we didn’t? That we may be shown we were wrong about something? Or is it that we don’t want to open the doors to communication to help others change and succeed?
Not that it matters-because it is often those closest to us that we ignore. It is often those who are family and friends that we tend to think don’t need the encouragement. That they are “all right”. You don’t know what struggles people are going through. You can’t see into their heads or hearts. Even the strongest, most secure people have moments of weakness. Moments that they don’t share with others. How difficult is it to just let them know that someone cares? That someone is thinking about them? Give “flowers” today. Don’t wait until they are no longer around. That is when you will find yourself wishing you had actually done it when they could have known how you felt.