Self-confidence can be a tricky thing. You either have it, fake it or don’t even think about it. The truth is; we are born self-confident. We come into this world believing our needs will be met. That we are going to be taken care of-because of who we are. We don’t show up doubting the world around us. We show up trusting that we will have our basic needs met because of who we are.
It is only after we enter this world, that we discover whether our expectations line up with our reality. (I understand that using an infant as an example can bring up various arguments and viewpoints, but I am asking you to ‘just go with it’.) I would love to say that when we are born, every child’s needs are not only met but exceeded. That wouldn’t be the truth. That would be a utopian lie that we would love to tell ourselves. The truth can often be much harsher.
As we move from infant to toddler to child – our self-confidence is either further developed by those around us or it is diminished. There are no two ways about it. The needs are met, or they aren’t. We are told what we can be, what we can do, and how we are going to achieve it. We are either encouraged or discouraged down our life path. So, what do we do when we hit the age of accountability? Where we can make our own choices and decisions and find that our self-confidence has been shattered to the point of non-existence?
We find ourselves facing that fork in the road; stay where we are or change and become what we want to be. The path that requires change is always harder. It requires work, on our part, not on those around us. Often the people around us can be part of the problem. The ones who discourage us or tell us what is possible and what is not. A lot of times it is our family members; who will pretty much always be a part of our lives; and close ‘friends’. Depending on how you were raised, you can’t just walk away from them (no matter how much you might want to.)
Creating even more of a challenge when making the decision to change your direction in life and build your self-confidence causing the decision to be even more scary. Yet, you can do it. Baby steps. One little thing at a time. It is about changing your view on life and the world around you. No one thing works for everyone. Some people find putting post it notes with positive reinforcement around the house works. Putting them on mirrors or places you go every morning before you really begin your day works best for them. Others may find standing in front of a mirror and giving yourself a ‘pep talk’; still another method can be giving yourself that pep talk before you get out of bed in the morning. Or perhaps having a friend encourage you along or finding someone else to be your own personal cheerleader can help. The truth of the matter is, that the hard work of building self-confidence, you do it yourself. Change only happens when you choose to make it happen.
If you want to recreate your world to be a better place with you as the person you want to be; you have to take the steps to do it. Whether it is eating right, exercising more, building an empire, writing a book, no matter what that direction for change is, the only way it will happen is when you choose to start. The interesting thing is that once you start to do something toward your goal, self-confidence begins to build naturally. It may not appear in all aspects of your life at one time, but it will appear. It will start to slowly show its face and you will become more and more accustomed to it being a part of who you are and your life.
Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique and interesting. Life would be pretty boring if we were all exactly the same. You have something worthwhile to offer. It might take a while to figure it out – no one said things would just magically appear before you with a great big arrow pointing you in the direction you need to go (it would be nice though) – you will figure it out and it will take root. Just take that first step.